Mangaluru-based activist faces online abuse, rape threats, for complaining against Bajrang Dal

A Mangaluru-based activist is being targeted online with abuse and rape threats after she complained against Bajrang Dal activists who allegedly intimidated cinema halls into stopping the screening of Shah Rukh Khan-starrer Dilwale.

On Monday, Mangaluru North police station registered an FIR against the state convenor of the Bajrang Dal Sharan Pumpwell and others for causing a ‘climate of fear’ among theatre owners and the public. Various sections of the IPC including causing criminal intimidation and criminal trespassing have been invoked.

In the two days since, numerous people targeted activist Vidya Dinker on Facebook with sexually coloured abuse including rape threats and other insults. Vidya says she will file a complaint against the abuse on Thursday.

Bajrang Dal activists in Mangaluru had protested against the screening of the film following Shah Rukh Khan’s comments on intolerance on November 2. They also asked for a ban on the screening of Aamir Khan’s films for the same reasons. 

“I heard a few people, who had booked tickets for Shah Rukh’s Dilwale, complain that when they went to the theatre on Sunday evening theatre owners offered a refund as the movie would not be screened,” Dinker said.

“I was told by a theatre owner that on Sunday right-wing activists came to the theatre asking that the 4 pm to 7 pm screening that was mid-way be stopped. However, the right-wing activists agreed let the ongoing  show get over and cancel screening thereafter,” Dinker said.

Having waited until Tuesday for screenings to resume, the dismayed activist went to speak to the head of a cinema chain at a mall in the city. She said that owners told her that they had been intimidated into giving up screening the film.

“The complete fear that they have managed to instil in everyone means that there is a parallel criminal justice system at work,” she said, adding that she and some others met the police commissioner urging action against such intimidation.

Dinker told The News Minute that the police were reluctant to take the complaint as they claimed that the theatre owners could have voluntarily not screened the film and the police cannot take action.

Vidya said that one franchisee of a multiplex had told her that Bajrang Dal activists had torn the poster on the ground floor of the mall and that they were worried that damage would follow if they went ahead with the screening.

Sharan Pumpwell, state president of Bajrang Dal told The News Minute that the activists only “requested” theatre owners not to screen Shah Rukh Khan’s film and that Dinker’s claims are baseless.

“We did not cause any physical damage as Vidya Dinker claims. The theatre owners themselves respected our sentiments and agreed to stop the screening,” said Pumpwell.

It is an open secret that some influential leaders of Hindutva groups have security contracts in more than one of the three malls in Mangaluru.

“The police also told me that they would take action if the theatre owners complain.  But owners are reluctant as they have long-term survival in mind,” she said.

“When a business is run with fear of these local goons in the back of their mind and when there is no confidence in the police that itself should be reason for the police to take a Suo motu action,” she added.

Why you shouldn't force your kids to hug people

When my daughter was two years old, we visited my husband’s grandparents for Christmas. When great-grandma leaned in for a hug, my daughter shrieked, “No, I don’t like that old lady! She looks like a witch!” and ran away.

I’m a firm believer in supporting my children’s choices about their bodies, but I was embarrassed. Great-grandma is in her early nineties and very traditional. We don’t get to see her often and when we do, I want my kids on their best behavior.

Kari O’Driscoll, a writer and mother of two tween girls, is a firm believer in instilling physical boundaries early on. She says members of her family were sexually assaulted by people they loved and trusted, so even before her daughters could talk, she taught them that they had the right to make choices for their own bodies. “My father-in-law was really offended when [my oldest daughter] didn't want a hug or a kiss or to sit in his lap while he read her a book…We spent a lot of time talking to her about how to be polite and firm. I think it sent her a strong message and, as she got older, she was able to articulate to her friends that she loves them but she needs physical space.”

The recent Facebook post from Planned Parenthood Ottawa (below) offers a wave as an alternative. Day suggests parents encourage their kids to give a high-five or a handshake instead of a more intimate hug or kiss.

Other parents and family members don’t always see forced interactions as a problem. Christa Terry, founder of Hellomamas.com and the mother of two, noted that her policy of not forcing her children to hug relatives “has actually resulted in a few standoffs between myself and older relatives," who worried a child's refusal would cause hurt feelings. Terry explained her reasoning to her family, who, even then, only begrudgingly accepted.

Empower children to say “no” in situations where the person making them uncomfortable is someone close or a loved one, Day notes. Even if there is no immediate threat, there may be in the future.

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, 82% of sexual assaults are committed by someone familiar to the victim, and the majority of sexual assaults happen before a child reaches 18. Beyond rape, many of the acts that comprise sexual assault involve coercive sex, the act of badgering or pressuring someone into sex through verbal threats, promises or emotional abuse.

This is why, Day argues, that learning to draw the line early — even over something seemingly small, like hugging Uncle Joe at Thanksgiving — will teach children they have a say in their bodily autonomy, and give them greater courage to say "no." And if this helps to protect children or adults from future domestic violence, dating violence and sexual assault, wonderful. Day says, “When we teach children to defer to adults about something so basic as a hug, we chip away at their self-esteem and put them at risk for abuse. We are teaching them that they don’t have the power to say ‘no’ to an adult.”

An important part of drawing this boundary is explaining the decision to family and friends before the holidays in a kind and respectful way. Day notes, “Most people will laugh off your kids’ behavior. But when they don’t, it's okay to explain your choices and assert yourself.”

Some of my own family members have been sexually assaulted by someone within the family. So, even though I found my daughter’s antics toward great-grandma less than ideal, it's much more important she understands 

she always gets to make choices regarding her own body. That supersedes a few moments of awkwardness among relatives.

Plus, as she warmed up to great-grandma, she spent the rest of the visit on her lap reading books, which was much more rewarding.

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