How To Hire A Dedicated Boyfriend!

*This is a fictional piece, written for entertainment purposes only*

Anika was nursing her fourth messy break-up in two months.

Was it her own high demands the reason behind the heartbreaks? Or was she expecting just too much out of a relationship?

Did anybody really have a ‘happily ever after’, she wondered.

While she was browsing through the newspapers, a thought struck her. Why not ‘hire’ a boyfriend? A custom-designed guy who would hang out with her and be a dedicated partner for life. And if she manages to fall in love with him, great! She would immediately arrange for a screening process where prospective ‘boyfriends’ can come and get ‘hired’. She would also pay them handsomely, so more and more guys would apply.

She was never really worried about the turnout. After all, it’s the same society where Rakhi Sawant’s swayamwar gets more mileage than politics. She was worried about what and what not to ask, in order to filter out the flak from the bunch. Once she saw the number of guys who had come for the ‘job’, she instinctively knew what to do.

She took a deep breath and called her first ‘prospect’ to the interview chambers.

‘Hey, thanks for coming. Your name?’ She asked. Her tone was playful bordering on sing-song so that the guy didn’t feel nervous about the whole ‘weird’ set up.

‘Ajay. Don’t thank me. I am here only for the money.’ He said. His tone was playful too.

‘Umm…right. Well, what qualities you have that I should hire you?’

‘As I said, I am here for the big bucks. So, I will stay faithful as long as crap doesn’t hit the roof’. He paused and looked her in the eye. He was the type who knew what he wanted. ‘Anything else?’

‘Did you ever have a girlfriend?’

‘If I did, I wouldn’t be here. You’ll be my first’. Hmmm.

‘Please drop your CV and application form here. I shall let you know.’

He walked away without as much as a glance in her direction. She didn’t bother about it either. It was her parade, after all.

The second guy to walk in was quite cool. She liked him. Hmm.

‘Hi, thanks for coming. Your name?’

‘Rahul, mam’, he smiled. He had a nice smile…hmm.

‘Tell me…why do you want to apply for this post?’

‘I have been FB-stalking, Instgram-stalking, iOS-mapping and generally following you around since you moved into my neighbourhood two months ago.’

‘Wha…?’ She was stunned. Who the hell was this guy!

‘Yes, mam. I didn’t like your third boyfriend. Cheap tipper. But the second one? He was okay. I liked the last one…a little bossy, but cute.’

‘Get out’

‘Uh? I am here to get hired right away’

‘Get out of here, you freak’

‘Oh…I am the freak? You have organized this crazy shit. Who ‘hires’ love?’

‘Goddamn it. This is just to get back with my ex. Now get out!’

‘Which ex?’

‘Get out or I will call the security…WATCHMAN!’

‘Mam, I am the watchman’. He smiled. His smile was blank, his eyes were blank, but his hands were slowly reaching out to his favourite ‘malkin’.